Down the local - A Response

Down the local

You know what mate, you do your best
But those fucking women never give it a rest
You take her round a nice bunch of flowers
And she’ll sit and dissect the reasons for hours.
Oh yeah it’s always so cool at the start
She’ll do anything you want to win your heart
So it starts out she’s happy to suck on your cock
But soon comes the muttering about some stray sock
She’ll say she’s happy with the footie, says she likes your mates
But that won’t last longer than the first few dates
Then she’ll sulk and pout and act all hurt
That you won’t cut your hair or get rid of that shirt.
So I’m giving it all up, for stuff I understand
That’s me, my mates and my trusty right hand.

Girls' Night In

Men. We’re talking about bloody useless men -
I’m quite certain, I’m not going there again.
I put on my best dress, primp and comb my hair
All to start a love story that ends in despair
It starts with held hands, him waxing poetic
Ends in tears, me feeling fucking pathetic.
All that time waiting for a call or a text
Just for some disappointing drunken sex
Surely I’d be better off with an expensive vibrator
Than an emotionally stunted premature ejaculator.
They want what they want, but if you want a chat
You won’t see them for dust, what’s up with that?

I’d rather be here , in your house with some wine
And as a single girl I am doing just fine
I’m happy, fulfilled, and even feeling fitter
I won’t let some man send it all down the shitter
Yep, for me, I’ve just decided, there will be no more
I don’t want to pick up his socks from the floor
And no cute smile, broad shoulders, twinkling eyes,
No sweet gestures or warm feeling of butterflies
No, nothing will sway me from my decision
Even if he can find the G Spot with exact precision
Not even those kisses, that start soft and gentle
And arouse feelings hot fierce elemental
That warm, slow shiver, his hand on your spine
Oh my god, this man in mine –

Hang on what was it I was saying?
Oh yeah, if that’s their game then I’m not playing.